My Lockdown Life: Daniela Toma / Gaza Project
As part of the Gaza Project, youth from Gaza and Tromsø shared their experiences being in lockdown with us. We asked them how their lives have been affected by COVID-19 and the following lockdown both in Gaza and in Tromsø, and they shared their honest, sometimes raw, and insightful remarks on the situation they have been through. These texts were written in the course of March 2020.
Today we hear from Daniela Toma, who is originally from Greece and has been living in Tromsø for the past 2 years.
How is the pandemic affecting your daily life?
Well, first of all I am laid off from the part time job that I was doing because the place had to close until everything comes back to life. So until this lasts, I am not working and who knows how I will get paid. It is not my first worry though. Thinking that everyone is in the same situation helps to not get stressed about it. Moreover, by not working I have more time for myself, which is good, but it makes me feel that I need to be productive with other stuff that I was not doing because I was busy all the time or I was trying to find excuses not to do. Basically, not going to work and not having the option to go out to meet some friends without thinking twice if that’s ok, changed quite a lot the daily life, even though I am a person that likes to stay at home and not be with people all the time
How do you feel towards the current locking down, disconnecting and interconnectedness?
The first two days disconnecting from the rest of the people that you know seemed surreal. Especially when maybe 3-4 days ago you were at their place, having dinner and nice talks about thoughts, plans and the future. I got to think quite a lot what is the purpose of being distant so suddenly, when few days ago I might have been with them all the time. It felt like someone is controlling our life, like there is no free will on what I am doing. I wouldn’t be scared about the virus itself, but living with my asthmatic boyfriend made me think twice and three times about it. And then a circle of thoughts started, aiming to find what I touched the previous days, if I was taking enough care, if I hugged someone and how many days have passed.
A mix of feelings: gratefulness that I am here, and it is relatively safe compared to other countries but at the same time fear for my family back home having many thoughts about bad things that might happen and the possibility to not be even able to travel. And then meetings started to happen through video calls, and then friends that I haven’t talked with for months because of our busy lives started to text me because they were not so busy anymore, and then a feeling that everyone wants to connect with the others started to spread. I felt lucky that we have internet, it really helps to not feel alone, to keep in touch and somehow get the feeling that you are meeting someone, even though there is just a screen in front of you. I am not a big fan of technology, it scares me. Maybe because I have watched too much Black Mirror. But still it gives joy to see a human face in there. It's been some time since I felt like this in front of device. Weird. But lucky.
How do you see the future after all this?
2020 has started for me as a year that I was thinking so much about my future as a person. I have been spending hours thinking about what I actually want to do with my life, how I imagine myself in few years, if my studies are reflecting the career that I would like to follow. I have been questioning myself more than ever if I am happy, if I like what I do, if I am feeling good with myself. Not for a specific reason, just because suddenly I realized that after 7 years I am not a student anymore, so there was a lack of identity in this world for me. Sounds weird right?
I guess I am not alone, but still that does not make it always easier. After the current situation, the future seems to me a bit clearer in a way. I think I haven’t realized yet, but I can feel that I can admit easier to myself that I have to do what I like. Because things can change just in a few hours, things can go by their selves without even asking you. However, clear does not mean better. When things are clear, dedication and patience are important ingredients for keep on following this future. Thoughts about the future of this planet, about the climate change and the spread of such viruses in the future started to be clearer as well. I was worried already though, before this happened. I wonder what other people, that they have never been concerned about such issues what their thoughts are now, and will be after the situation gets better.
Is the future bright? I never thought so, we make it bright and for a few months after the lockdown will be over, everyone will be so glad that this is finished that everything will seem better, people will make fun about it and will start to appreciate small things more than before. Solidarity and care about others I feel will stay, so that’s a good thing, but when everything will be in order again, when daily life comes back, I am not very optimistic that we will start to change so much compared to what we were before the lockdown. I might be wrong, I might be pessimistic, but I feel that whoever was scared before about the future of this planet will be even more concerned while the rest will just continue with the same attitude towards it.
Write a text/story/photo essay that reflect your experience during this time.
Slow down, slow down.
A voice in my head was always there to remind me.
Slow down, slow down.
I was in a hurry to take care of everything. All at once.
Because 24 hours were never enough.
Slow down, slow down.
You can’t tell me what to do, I know better, I have my plan.
Slow down, slow down.
Everyone is doing the same, what can I do?
I have to follow. I have to rush, otherwise I will be left behind.
Slow down, slow down.
Next Sunday. Just give me some time.
I will close everything and I will make myself a tea.
and yoga.yes, yes some yoga.
to slow down, slow down.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
That’s too much work to do, too much concentration on me.
That’s exhausting, why did I follow your advice?
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. There’s not so much left.
Oh come on, I am alone here. You make me feel sad.
I need to answer those emails.
I need to buy all these things.
I need to see all those friends.
I need to go for a drink.
I am so bored.
Where are you?
Text by Daniela Toma
Find out more about the Gaza Project here!